And so it begins 17.30, Friday 3rd May at Gatwick Airport, South Terminal. The ladies checked in with one monkey (Macca), 17 yellow shirts, and toasted the beginning of their first rugby tour. We boarded the flight, got comfy and opened our goody bags…of course we had all kept these very safely on us at all times (Penster and KD…it’s still a little bit awkward).

After a great flight, we made our head count and found our transfer to what the coach driver believed to be our hostel, in fact this was our first ‘language barrier’ moment. Though in pure disbelieve, we all grabbed our bags and headed inside, to find out that it was indeed true, this was not our hostel. Within the calmest ten minutes you’ve ever seen from the Grifster, the team full of giggles boarded the coach and we were back on our way to the City Stay Hostel, Rosentr.

Hostel check in and we found the bar instantly for a ‘night-cap’. We sang a few songs, including the specially made Tour Song (Writers Feenan & Dad) which included a lot of ‘bass’ and some fantastic conducting from Karen Griffin, we brought in a few ‘altos’ and the odd ‘soprano’. What a start to the tour.
Saturday morning bright and early with limited resistance from sleepy eyes…the carnage begins. 09.00 - we discover the continental breakfast, and await our little yellow coins to raid the buffet. The usual morning routine begins…eat, shower, dress and meet downstairs for 10.30 packed and ready for an adventure, don’t forget your tour buddy!

10.30 - our first ‘court’ session begins awaiting our transfer to our match, Berlin Ladies v Teddington. Fines awarded for those special moments we had all had already…a few great deflections for ‘twat’ suit, ending in Pats wearing the monkey suit to the game for being unable to turn off her 06.00 alarm.
We arrived at our destination, with the Berlin 7s tournament in full swing we found some ‘bratwurst’ and ‘crepes’ and then cheered on the team’s. One team had kit that matched our home kit, one team had a forward who did all of the work including half pitch sprints (legend!) and they all proved to be keen quick 7s players; but, what would they be like at 15s when we take them on after their tournament? Should we be worried? No, let’s find some more beer and bratwurst to settle our stomachs before the big charge.

After finding our boots (ish ;)), we took to the field, showed off our team warm up lead by Dad. Tried a few lifts & lines and took a few team pictures. It was at this point that we had borrowed two of their players to make our 15s team, but noticed that they had an unlimited supply of substitutes…this was looking to be an interesting match. Captain Trolly won the toss, taking note of the sunshine advantage; we got ready to receive the kick with the sun shining on our backs.
What a start…welcoming Macca back to the pitch, she is in with the first try. Side line siren = dead ants. With some excellent hands from the back, Hiller secures her first ever try in her first ever match. Side line siren = dead ants. The score continued to go our way with fantastic efforts by all. Berlin tried to bring it back to us, however our season of defensive training was too much for the berlin attack and we powered back scoring a few more tries. Two 20minutes down, the Berlin team are still keen to play one more set. It was a quick and intense game, even the ref fell over, but as the final whistle blew and the score was 0-53. The generic three cheers and tunnel were performed, now for some rehydration at the bar…at this point Mills was eating more bratwurst.
We stayed for a few drinks, enjoying the sunshine and company very much indeed. The funnel made a few appearances including a bubbles funnel…fantastic! In the distance we saw our transfer arrive to take us back to the hostel, so we accosted some of our berlin friends and headed on home for what must have been the most alive beer bus you’ve ever seen. It was in fact the best bus journey of the team’s life! We exchanged English and German lyrics and tunes all the way, found the worlds tiniest trolley at the supermarket, and yes we did put Trolly into the trolley!

Time for the theme night of the tour…RUBIKS CUBE! Court began after everyone finished eating their bratwurst and the games began. Fines and toasts, singing and banter the drinks flowed nicely. To end the evening before heading onto the pub crawl organised by Parry with Macca’s superb map reading skills put to the test, we had our ‘Olympic relay race’ with some random hostel stayers joining in too…fantastic. To town – jaeger-blood-bomb, some of the best dance moves from Hollie and Amber, the Grifster finding the podium and Pats/Mills/Hills spreading the love across Berlin. Hiller snogged a crew-cut!

Sunday morning…Pats’ alarm goes off at 06.00 (again). Slightly more fragile this morning, but never the less we powered through to our continental breakfast, definitely wiping out the orange slices for our hang over cures. Once we all made it to the vertical, we headed to the bier bike! Two bikes, 34 pints of bier, 5 litres of cider and 18 rugby players…what could go wrong. Everyone managed to stay on board, some great bar work from Hollie and Judy, and a lot of singing and Griffin catching a wing mirror…think we all agree, it was a great ride!
Moving from bier bike to karaoke park, Judy was bringing joy to the people of Berlin handing out packets of Schokolat Clusters to children, Charley looking too cool for school on the side walk, Mills was probably eating a currywurst and the mega phone on repeat ‘’Hiller snogged a crew cut’’.

We made it to the amphitheatre and it was packed! The entertainment was on great form and it wasn’t long before Macca had nominated the team to sing the closing song for the karaoke. In perfect harmony, the ladies brought Bohemian Rhapsody to life. After the first verse, they had the crowd swaying and singing with them. Performing in front of ‘’5000’’ it was an outstanding performance. The evening was in full swing, pub crawl back to the hostel with some new adaptions to the whistle demands. 1- press up, 2- piggy backs, 3- ‘’squat’’ drop, 4- ‘’bundle’’ on Dad.

Monday morning… Pats’ alarm goes off at 06.00 (again), Parry gets locked out, Feenan has onion breathe #justsaying, and the only way forward is ‘jaegatruam’. 10.45 taxis to the walking tour…awkward timing with the Politzei doing routine checks on all of our taxis. Finally arrived at our destination where we found Rob our walking tour guide from Norfolk who studied at Leeds, fell in love with an Argentinian learnt German, had his heart broken but moved to Berlin and is loving life. We began our walking tour in yet another day of brilliant sunshine. The tour was fantastic, three hours of Berlin culture plus time for Mills to have another currywurst, Dad and Parry to visit the ‘sausage museum’ and Macca to find a ‘non-alcoholic’ mojito. We saw remains of the Berlin Wall, Check point Charlie (this was not Rob’s favourite), Holocaust Memorial, Pariser Platz, Cathedrals, Luftwaffe, the area of Hitler’s bunker and the book burning, plus we learnt about the Ampelmann. A good morning of culture had by all.

We began our final court session at the hostel, awaiting the final transfer back to the airport. Toasts and fines plus marshmallows and wafers shared among us all. Following on from court, yet another sing-along coach journey including some raps from Judy, shots of jaegatron and Parry in the monkey suit.
Check-in, security & tour buddy checks all complete…all allowed back into the country, fantastic. Semple takes on the bar man at an arm wrestle, Judy pulls on the plan, and Dave is back as our flight crew! We take off…we fly…we sing a little more…we land and depart to luggage claim. Hugs and cheers to all, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye. A fantastic Tour to Berlin #TourIsFab!